Hello again. I am so happy to be back on my blog writing again. I do want to apologize for not being on in so long. My life has been literally flipped upside down.
I am not trying to start this new blog as kind of a depressing read; I would just like to express the truth. I absolutely love the truth. I mean not always because the truth does hurt a lot sometimes. But this is my truth as you read this try not to judge. I know it’s hard especially because I am a mother but there are other women or even men who can relate to this post.
About a month ago I was planning to kill myself. I was thinking hmm maybe hanging myself with a rope would be a good idea, but then I didn’t want anyone to come home and find me hanging from a tree especially my son. So I decided against it. I was a complete mess, I’ll back up and say quickly that I thought my life was over because the day before wanting to kill myself I have gotten arrested TWICE in one day. The first time for stealing and the second for driving with a suspended license and I had a warrant out. So I basically thought my life was over. I thought I was going to jail and the whole bit. Long story short, my mother ended up ringing the police station and told them what I have said about killing myself. Maybe she overheard me because I was literally crazy at this point. By the way my son was in school while this was going on. Anyway the police man asked me if I had said that I want to hurt myself. I told him yes. Within 5 minutes I was on a stretcher on my way to the hospital.
In the hospital they found coke and marijuana in my system. I have a problem with drugs. I am an addict. I stole for money for drugs. It’s funny because looking at me and my son and my family. You would never ever think I would be doing such terrible things like using drugs and sneaking around and stealing. Literally I stole everything. That also ended up becoming an addiction.
After being in the hospital for a few hours and answering the same questions over and over. I was finally able to go to a treatment center. I got the help I needed and stayed there for about five days. I was diagnosed with major depression, generalized anxiety, ADD and ADHD. I got on the right medicine and I was out and within the next week I joined a program called the center where it’s partial care. I go 5 days a week 8 hours a day. It’s very intensive care and I feel like I’m doing amazing and learning how to cope with feelings and not just reacting to my feelings but actually taking a step back and really flipping my negative thoughts into positive ones. And most importantly learning to have gratitude. Being grateful is the number one thing in life that nobody could ever take from you. When your great full you can’t be mad. It’s actully scientifically proven that you cannot be mad and great full at the same time. It’s impossible! I think that is truest amazing.
So now I am still attending the center and I feel like I am doing very well there. I have found people who are incredibly encouraging and people I can look up to.
Thank you for not judging someone who made a big mistake. But is trying to turn her life around for the good.